I still need to keep my spirits up because Doctor Sean called me with the results and it turns out that I do have lung cancer. I didn’t realize how much I was subconsciously hoping all this hoopla was simply a cyst gone crazy, I am prone to cysts so I was hoping, oh well it’s not a cyst.
As I think back to the phone call, I know just how much I was hoping for a different outcome because my stomach sank and my brain drained free of logical thought, emotion and dread filled my head and body at the same time, making me unable to ask intelligent questions. I know this because I called my mother immediately afterwards and she was asking me reasonable questions which I couldn’t answer because my mind had drawn a blank when I heard the word cancer.
Thursday I have an appointment with Doctor Sean and I am going armed with a list of questions, first and foremost is this related to my squamous cell esophageal carcinoma and depending on that answer, my questions will stem from whichever direction that answer leads us.
I am really trying to keep my chin up, I hate the cancer word, it has too much power, I know I will be fine, but this still feels too soon. I need a break.
Not the words you wanted to hear. It is a shock to the system to get that kind of news. Hopefully the doctor has answers for you. Hang in there.
Thanks Andrew!!
My dear Laurie, sending you love and hugs xxxxxxxxxxx
Thanks Tilly, you make me feel better!!!
If you want Cricket to come with you and stare at Doctor Sean she is VERY good at intimidation. All of us over here on Long Island are really pissed at cancer. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
LOL I can just picture it 😀 You guys help a lot!
Way to soon. One really can’t think when you hear news of that nature. Take some time to write out your questions. Take care.
Thanks Chris 😀 I am definitely going to take time with my questions.
You’re in my thoughts and prayers—-for your health, and for your strength.
Thanks James, that means a lot and helps too. 😀
Laurie, very sorry to hear this news. Your positive outlook is your best defense. Keep tending to you garden, and filling your family’s belly with amazing food. Karma rules the universe and you have a surplus!!
Thank you so much for the kind and very encouraging words and sentiment. I very much appreciate them. 😀
Tellement désolée de ces nouvelles !
Accroche toi bien, essaie de garder une pensée positive et profites bien de ton jardin, tes chiens, tes enfants, ….
Tout ce qui est beau autour de toi t’aide à tenir le coup et à mieux lutter.
Plein de bises de Paris
Merci infiniement chere Isabelle, je vais suivre tes conseils. Je t’embrasses tres fort, et embrasses Pierre et les enfants de ma part. Grosses bises xx
I am so divastated to hear this news. But I know you will continue to fight. This is just shock related reaction, but you must march on after the news sinks in. I am available anytime you need to talk or need support in any other way. “Allons enfants de la patrie” We declare war on cancer! Lots of love! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxoooooooooooooooooooooooo
You are the best sweetie! I am so lucky to have such a wonderful friend like you, I think singing the Marseillaise is a terrific idea, perfect anti-cancer song. 😀 I love you xxxxxxooooooooxxxooo
Me 2 u!
Oh Laurie – I haven’t been blogging lately but have been keeping an eye on your email notifications, waiting for news. I am in tears writing this: a mixture of devastation and enormous hope. You are one of the most gorgeous people I have ever met. I send you much love and hope and faith in you! Julie
Thank you so very much Jules!!! I miss you and I am taking all of your love, hugs and kisses. 😀 I was so glad to see your name in my inbox. I am sending you lots of love and hugs!!!!
Dear Laurie,
You’ve been on my mind for a long time.
I know it’s taking a lot out of you to look everyday for good news.
When things get out of hand, I try to wake up early in the morning and sit in silence and just let things be. I look at myself just as I am at the moment, right now, and try to see the things that are going well, and feel some peace and happiness in just doing what I can do, and letting myself be.
Most times it doesn’t work.
Sometimes, I find I can smile in the midst of s#@$.
This morning – and the days ahead – I wish for you, many moments of comfort and peace being just as you are, and doing just as you do. I wish you freedom from pain, and I send you the thought that, everywhere, there are people sending love and good will your way.
And…there are angels.
In the end we are souls here to look and learn and laugh, and your soul, so light and happy, radiates kindness. Press on.
My dear friend,
Your words mean so much, they are like a balm on my spirit. I felt them soothe my soul as my eyes traveled slowly down the page. I will take them and keep them close to my heart.
Thank you so much dear friend. Xxoo